Hold Me Up & Pass Me By
by Shikami Yamino
Summary: And in her darker moments, she wonders if any of it has really been worth the price. Cagalli & Athrun Introspectives. Companion Fics. [COMPLETE]
1. Hold Me Up

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Disclaimer:** All characters and specifics of "Kidousenshi Gundam SEED Destiny" are copyrighted Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and Mainichi Broadcasting. All rights reserved. This fanfiction is property of Shikami Yamino and is not intended for any monetary purpose nor an infringement of copyright laws. No one is to post/host/use any aspect of this fanfic without explicit permission from the author. 

**Notes:** Set post **GSD** 50. Written during exam study, while listening to Origa's "Aney, Unborn Child" on repeat. So if I could put background music in this piece, it would have to be that song. Gorgeous, gorgeous song!

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Kidousenshi Gundam SEED Destiny: "Hold Me Up"  
by Shikami Yamino

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Sometimes, Cagalli Yula Athha wonders exactly what she works so hard for.

She has survived two world wars - one in the cockpit of a mobile suit, the other at the helm of a nation under siege. She's been both victor and victim, willing and unwilling, on battlefields stained with blood and paperwork alike.

In the midst of it all, she lost a father but found a brother; made countless invaluable friends and yet mourned the loss of many more than she'd ever cared to in her lifetime.

A rebellious princess turned guerrilla fighter.

A warrior turned politician turned world icon.

At the tender age of twenty-three, it is already a list of experiences against which few could compare.

Yet she has never stopped.

Hesitated, certainly. Stumbled and tripped more often than she likes to admit.

But never coming to a full stop.

Never stopped moving forward. Never stopped making sacrifices. Never stopped to really enjoy what she has already paid for a hundred times over in sweat and blood and tears and pain.

And in her darker moments, she wonders if any of it has really been worth the price.

It is in these moments that she finds herself sitting in the backseat of an unmarked car, laptop balanced on her knees and paperwork spread over the adjacent seat, cruising the streets of Onogoro City's bustling shopping district.

Through the tinted, bullet-proof windows, she calmly takes in the sights and muted sounds of Orb's collective populace going peacefully about their daily lives.

A businessman gesturing extravagantly at his surroundings as he leads his cohorts down the sidewalk. An elderly woman crossing the street as a gentle smile stretches across her age-worn features. A harried mother seated at an outdoor cafe, her most pressing concern being how to keep the chocolate ice cream her son is currently devouring from staining his snow white jumpsuit.

Sometimes Cagalli wonders what it is that she's been working for.

And sometimes, all she needs is to be reminded.

But perhaps, on today of all days, when the doubts have sunk their claws in more tenaciously than was usual, it is fortunate that she should be reminded of the best reason of all.

A young couple strolls into her line of vision, shoulders brushing as they come to a stop outside a trendy window display.

The female gestures animatedly at the mannequin situated inside, silky chestnut waves of hair tumbling luxuriously down her back. Blue eyes sparkling with laughter, she says something to her companion, grabbing his hand and tugging on it insistently in the direction of the door.

The dark-haired male, smiling, shakes his head in a token gesture of resistance, pulling back on his hand to begin an impromptu game of tug-of-war.

Cagalli watches the scene unfold with a faint smile of her own playing across her lips.

From experience, she can tell by the look on the man's face that he has already inwardly given in.

Kira often sported that look too - most recently in relation to his eighteen month old daughter's demands for, of all things, corn cobs.

Sure enough, the man relents a moment later with a quiet chuckle to which the woman cheers before jumping up to catch him around the neck in an enthusiastic embrace.

And Cagalli's eyes soften to see the man's capable hands gently wind their way around the slim waist in response.

It's for them that Cagalli makes her sacrifices.

For people like that businessman, that elderly lady and the harried mother too.

To ensure that they continue to have a future to look forward to. A bright future unshadowed by fear and war. A future where they were free to go about as they pleased, unshackled from the responsibilities they should no longer have to bear. Responsibilities some of them have already borne for far too long.

"Cagalli?"

Kisaka's low voice drags her attention away from her silent contemplation, and when she turns to him, she is unsurprised to see him flicker his own brief glance at the couple outside.

There is a hint of disquiet darkening Kisaka's eyes with which she is not unfamiliar. After all, it would be far too naive of her to believe that her long-time guardian had failed to notice the reason for her unusual request to pull over five minutes ago.

Kisaka is nothing if not observant of his surroundings and well beyond capable of reading her.

Nevertheless, no matter how many times she's seen that particular frown, it remains a concern that she consistently declines to acknowledge. Because while it may have held some truth in the past, that is certainly not the case now and will most probably never be the case in the future.

And despite what everyone else may think, she is satisfied with that.

She is satisfied.

She flashes him a genuine smile.

"Let's go."

Kisaka gives the young woman in the back seat one last appraising look before silently turning back to the wheel to start the engine.

He knows better than to ask her if she's okay. Because for all her honesty and sincerity, that is the one question to which he doubts that he has ever received a completely truthful answer.

Today, however, it is simply sufficient to know that the doubts have been banished once more - her clear gaze reassuring him that the weary young woman who had climbed into the back seat of the car a mere hour ago was no longer present.

In her stead, sits Orb's Lioness - determined, confident and certain; ready and prepared to charge forth into battle once more.

And though a trace of bittersweet tenderness still lingers in those russet eyes, bringing all his protective paternal instincts to the fore, he also knows better than to call her on it.

Because even after all this time, those emotions and memories have proven time and time again that they remain a vital part of her driving force. A vital part of her.

As the car pulls away from the curb, Cagalli leans forward to catch a last glimpse of the laughing woman dragging her reluctant companion towards the entrance of the store by the hand.

She smiles softly once more at the happy picture they make, contenting herself with that image before settling into her seat more comfortably.

Tipping her head back, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, holding it in until it begins to burn in her chest before releasing it in a measured exhale.

Unbidden, her fingers reach into the collar of her uniform for the silver chain that hangs around her neck, drawing it out and following it down until she can fist her hand around both her dog-tags and a jewelled platinum band.

She works to ensure that history doesn't repeat itself any more than it already has.

She works because she is the only one who can.

She works because as Orb's Head Representative, she owes them, and everyone else, a future.

And at the end of the day, she merely has to look around to know what her sacrifices are worth.

And for her, for now, it's enough.

It's enough.

Fumbling blindly for the manila folder laying on its side next to her before opening her eyes, Cagalli tilts her head to read through the proposal once again, reverently tucking the chain back under her collar in the process.

Time to get back to work.

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**End**

**Final Notes:** Introspection is hard to write when you haven't done it for a while. But hey look! A short one! (cheers) Companion fic to come.


	2. Pass Me By

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Disclaimer:** All characters and specifics of "Kidousenshi Gundam SEED Destiny" are copyrighted Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and Mainichi Broadcasting. All rights reserved. This fanfiction is property of Shikami Yamino and is not intended for any monetary purpose nor an infringement of copyright laws. No one is to post/host/use any aspect of this fanfic without explicit permission from the author. 

**Notes:** Originally this was just going to be a little extra at the end of "Hold Me Up". But then the plot bunny ran away with it for a little while, so it became a companion fic instead (grins) Set in the same time frame as "Hold Me Up".

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**Kidousenshi Gundam SEED Destiny: "Pass Me By"  
**by Shikami Yamino

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The dark colored car with the tinted windows rumbles to life behind him, diverting his attention away from her delighted features.

Absently, he notes the way the mid-afternoon sunlight bounces strangely off the surface of the glass, confirming his suspicion that the windows were not only tinted but also reinforced. Otherwise, however, the car is completely unremarkable -- no evidence of any subtle insignia that accompanied similar vehicles he'd been familiar with a few years ago.

Curiosity aroused, he watches out of the corner of his eye as the car signals and then weaves expertly into the busy traffic.

And it is in that fleeting moment that he catches a glimpse of what should be, if not for the dark windows, bright blonde hair framing a pale face.

He doesn't realise that he's gone completely still until her worried voice breaks through his frozen thoughts.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

He tears his eyes away from the car that's already beginning to blend inconspicuously into the cityscape and returns his attention to her, an apology ready on his lips.

Only to find himself tongue-tied, looking into eyes of the fiercest amber instead of a gentle blue.

"Athrun-san?"

He shakes himself, dispelling the image of another face, intimately familiar, to look down at her with a reassuring smile.

"It's all right, I'm fine. I just thought I saw something, that's all."

She doesn't look convinced. "Are you sure?"

A corner of his lips twitches upwards as he reaches out to ruffle her hair. "I'm sure. Shall we go in?"

The grin that spreads over her face is wide and guileless, reminding him of rain storms and stray crabs and deserted islands. And then it's gone -- disappearing as she turns and tows him behind her in a single-minded endeavor to enter the store, along with the memory of a night spent under the stars with an enemy that became so much more.

Just before he walks through the doors proper, he turns to look over his shoulder as his free hand comes up to touch his chest, feeling for the blood-red jewel that rests there beneath his shirt.

Emerald eyes sweep the street one last time for any sign of a dark, unremarkable car, or a slender blonde woman most knew from television, yet he knew by heart.

And the mild ache that blossoms in his chest is a familiar companion when he finds absolutely nothing.

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**End**

**Final Notes:** And an even shorter one! (cheers) These two pieces were essentially written because this possible manifestation of Athrun and Cagalli's situation post **GSD** 50 bit me a little too hard -- though I mostly wanted to show how Cagalli might deal with it. Any comments are, of course, appreciated.


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